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03/25/2004: "Mom, Dad, my grades were awful"

Today I discovered that microsoft works on my computer came with this wizard that you can write a letter using convenient sample texts. The letters range anywhere from "congratulations on your divorce (or sorry for your divorce?)" to "charge on my bill I didn't make." And there were a few strange ones, such as the title. Here's my letter of "Mom, Dad, my grades were awful."

"I wish I could rewind my life like a videotape. Then I could start the last semester over and study harder, receive better grades, and not have to write this letter.
Unfortunately, I have to face reality, and that means admitting that my grades were awful. I'm angry with myself for not doing better. I guess I put my social life and campus activities ahead of hitting the books.
I'm making a renewed commitment to apply myself next semester. I know I have the potential to earn good grades, and seeing how awful it feels to do poorly, I won't shortchange myself again."

Or how about "Sorry I burnt a hole in your sofa."

"If you noticed that I skulked out of your house Saturday night, it was because I was so embarrassed I couldn't look you in the eye. I'm the one who burned the hole in your new sofa. I was so mortified, my first reaction was to run.
Please allow me to pay for the repair. I'd be happy to make arrangements with an upholsterer I've worked with to have the sofa picked up at your convenience. I'll call in a few days to find out what's best for you.
Aside from my blunder, it was one great party! Thanks for inviting me. I hope you'll forgive me for the accident and the unconscionable way I dealt with it."

I don't think I have a chance to use the letter about my grades, but please let me know if you have a new sofa in your house. I'll come and burn a hole in your new sofa, so I can write this wonderful letter.

My friend James I haven't seen in three years came stopped by. He went, "I have to tell you about my crazy life!" I'm not sure if he's reading this blog, so let me go ahead and write about it. He's been married a few years. About a month ago, four days before they were going to move to a house in upstate, he had to leave their apartment for a few hours and run some errands in the middle of packing things. He left a box unsealed, which contained a shoebox with his 'diary' inside. Somehow she knocked the box off or something, and there they were, his secret and private life was in her hand. Well, she started reading the diary from the days they were dating, expecting to find nice things he wrote about her. But instead, she read about 'other women' he had crash on or had slept with. He ended up moving my himself. He didn't seem to be totally unhappy about the whole thing; "It's a good chance to think over about my relationship. A lesson to be learned: Don't leave your personal diary unattended with your spouse.

The highlight of the day was when two fire engines pulled over in front of the store around 10 pm. I turned my head to make sure there was no fire in my kitchen. I stepped out and asked a hunky fireman, "Fire?" "You're the fire, baby." No, he didn't say that. He said something I didn't understand. He wasn't my type anyway, so I didn't ask again.